A Letter To the Wise Virgin. . .

Some days ago, as my prayer partner and I studied the story of the ten virgins in Matthew 25, my eyes practically got stuck on verse 9. Here's Matthew 25:8-10:

8 Then the five foolish ones asked the others, ‘Please give us some of your oil because our lamps are going out.’
9 “But the others replied, ‘We don’t have enough for all of us. Go to a shop and buy some for yourselves.’
10 “But while they were gone to buy oil, the bridegroom came. Then those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was locked.

When the foolish virgins asked the wise virgins to give them some of their oil, they categorically refused to give them. They said, "NO!"

Do you know that there would have been a record of ten foolish virgins instead of five if the wise virgins in this parable had given out of their oil when asked?

As we know, wisdom is the application of knowledge. They knew that they did not have enough to spare and took steps in the direction of their 'knowledge'. The five wise virgins were not said to be wise only because they took adequate oil with them but also because they understood when to say "NO". They understood the time they were in- a time to refrain from giving. The first thing that could have come to their minds may be that it is "blessed to give." And yes, it is. But they were not ruled by their emotions. They were sensitive enough to know that they shouldn't give out of their oil to the ones who did not have enough oil to carry them through.

Jesus says we should love our neighbours as ourselves (not more than ourselves).

There's no need to be sentimental. I'm guessing that if the wise virgins had given of their oil, they would have become 'uncheerful' givers and it they would have missed their appointment with the Lord for nothing- because their 'acts of compassion' wouldn't have been rewarded either. Like the wise virgins, we must preserve our place in the Kingdom of God. This is so that we do not become signposts that direct others to the Kingdom while we ourselves miss out. No act of service is more important than your personal relationship with God. Having adequate oil in your life must be your priority.

The way most of us do 'God's work' this day is actually more energy sapping than it is beneficial to our spirits. Stop neglecting the nourishment of your spirit because you are busy "ministering".

Dear wise virgin, prepared and waiting for your LORD, take caution!

You cannot afford to run out of oil yourself while busy tending to others.

Getting drained? Go get a recharge of your battery and keep it charged!

I will send the foolish virgin's letter soon. . .

-OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
 ©2015

Second Fiddle?

Please help me tell my single sisters not to go become a second fiddle; the spare wheel. Why settle for less? When you can go for tear-rubber, why settle for fairly-used or brutally-used? Some women would settle for being "the other woman". Why? O why?

My heart bleeds when I see ladies who decide to be in relationships with someone who's already taken. What I can figure out in such persons is lack of self-esteem. They see themselves as being of no value.

You prefer to cause another woman pain. To put assunder what God has joined together. You cause disarray in another person's home. That is an act of wickedness and the Bible says that "it shall not be well with the wicked". Again, that is stealing. Don't place a curse on yourself. What a man (or woman) sows he (or she) will reap.

I see no justifiable reason to enter into a relationship with a married person. People give several flimsy excuses for engaging in this despicable act. Why not go and groom your own? Why not start on a clean slate? A married person is a no-go-area for you either you are single or married. You shouldn't even consider that kind of advance. No matter what he promises you, don't give in to the enticement. That is surely not what God has planned for you. A man is to be joined to his wife (not wives). Be not deceived.

You are important to God. And He has your best interest at heart. He has reserved the best for you. Why not wait for it. Don't hurry into less than what you should get. Don't let anyone deceive you into believing that you can only get some leftover meals. You deserve a fresh meal, nourishing and sumptuous.

You are worth more than precious jewels. . . Treat yourself as a woman of great value that you are.

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
©2015

It's a Real World, Be Realistic!

I remember a statement I once heard from my Pastor, "If a man is opening the door of their car for his wife, it's either of two things- the wife is new or the car is new". Hilarious! Isn't it? But really, how many ladies thought their husbands will open the door of the car for them each time they are entering or alighting from a car? Many, right? And how many get it that way? I believe they must be very few especially in this part of the world. Me, I have only seen one man do that in real life sha o (aside cases where the wives are on their way to the delivery room). . . And it was because the car was old instead (the door could only be opened from the outside) lol.

There are several unrealistic rules and expectation we build up in our minds. We refuse to seive the ideas we get from what we read or see in movies. We forget that that's what it usually is- a movie, written for entertainment.

You know, I read recently about a man who sued his wife for being very ugly and covering up all the while with heavy make-up and only found out after the wedding ceremony how ugly she was. (I also see the before and after photos of some makeovers and all I can say is "Waoh! I hope the makeover is permanent?"). This is what marriage does. It exposes the real you and the real person you are married too.

Many of us wear masks over our real selves. We have a form of humility, gentleness and so on whereas in the real sense of it, we are tigers. Ugly on the inside. Devoid of virtue though we look like we have it.

You had better stop pretending to be who you are not right from this moment. Don't pretend to be okay with something you are not okay with. Don't keep quiet when you should talk. Sweeping issues under the carpet will only end up in a disastrous boomerang, trust me. Deal with issues wisely and promptly. Be yourself.
Your spouse will not always be super "charming" but you must choose to love all the same. Your spouse is not perfect and so are you. You are both humans.

One thing that kills the reality of our individual 'world' is comparison. You see another woman's husband helping with the laundry and in the kitchen and your husband does none of that. You assume your own husband is not good enough. You forget that he is a pro at mowing the grass.

You need to always remember that the two people involved in the marriage are uniquely different from each other and every other person in the world. So what do you expect? Marriages are also uniquely different from one to another.

Unrealistic expectations will only put your marriage on reverse gear. Attempting to change your spouse so as to fit your self-invented model will most likely lead to frustration. Stop trying to model your spouse/marriage after someone/someone's else.  Embrace the uniqueness of your spouse. Embrace the uniqueness of your own marriage.

There is a prayer point placed in a conspicuous place in my house, which I pray constantly: "Lord, I don't want this marriage to be what I think it should be, I want it to be everything You designed it to be!"

I think you should pray that prayer wholeheartedly too.

Welcome to the real world!

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola

Beyond the Wedding is the Marriage- Prepare for it!

You should Prepare For Marriage Not In Marriage

Many people put everything into preparing for their wedding day(s) but do nothing in preparation for the days after the wedding- MARRIAGE. They get so excited about the fact that they are getting married and forget that reality lies after the euphoria of having their marital status changed. Many spend several years working towards a degree but put no time into preparing for marriage. Refusing to prepare for marriage but focusing all resources on having a perfect (or at least near perfect) wedding ceremony can be likened to a student who asks his parents for all the money they have saved for his tertiary education for the celebration of his matriculation ceremony and doesn't care how he'll get through school. I guess you and I know what's going to happen to him- he'll drop out of school.

Wedding is the initiation ceremony into marriage. Marriage is the real deal.

A successful marriage does not just happen, it must be adequately prepared for.
You don't learn how to use a gun during the battle but before. You need to get acquainted with how to pull the trigger, how to load the bullets and so on. If you wait until you get to the battle field before you start looking for who would teach you how to use that weapon, your head might be on a tray before you even find that 'benevolent' trainer. In the same vein, you shouldn't wait until you are married before you start learning about marriage. If you fail to prepare for marriage, you are preparing to fail in marriage.

Now that you are single is the perfect time to prepare for marriage. It doesn't matter how soon or far away you're getting married. What you should be doing now is preparing for your marriage. I wish you wouldn't be one of those who wake up too late from the false castles they have built in their mind and find themselves in dilapidated huts (marriages) in reality.

Here are some tips (The 4 Ace) that should be of help while preparing for marriage:

¤ Ask God for direction. Pray concerning your married-life to be. I believe in sowing prayers into the future. Whatever you sow is what you will reap. Confess good things about your marriage. Trust God to lead you in your choice of a life partner.

¤ Acquire knowledge. Invest on books and other marital resources.  Buy truth—don't sell it for love or money; buy wisdom, buy education, buy insight (Proverbs 23:23 MSG). Read as many books on marriage as possible. Study to show yourself approved unto God, a marriage-ready vessel. Study successful marriages. You need to know about gender differences. You need to know the purpose of marriage. Find out God's original intention for marriage from the Bible. Submit yourself to learn under those with successful marriages. Attend marriage seminars together and individually. . . And be wise i.e. utilize the knowledge you have been able to garner.

¤ Aim high. When I talk about aiming high, I'm not talking about physical aims like you not marrying someone who can't afford to buy you a bugatti for valentine's. I'm talking about you not settling for less than God's best for your life. I'm talking about you choosing to be the best spouse your partner could ever have desired. That would mean setting high moral standards for yourself and abiding by them. Think about you having a beautiful home. Make up your mind that you will never give up on your marriage. Make up your mind to work hard at making your marriage work through the help of God.

¤ Arm yourself with necessary skills. Your period of singleness is not the time to waste away. It is not a time to live idly. It is time to add value to yourself. It is time to move forge ahead with your career. It is time to learn some new skills. Gladly pay for these skills if need be. You wouldn't know when any of them would come in handy. It is time to learn how to cook, learn about babies, etc.

Make hay while the sun shines. A successful married life is a product of adequate preparation and hard work through the marital journey.

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
©2015

Fortune Tellers or What?

I keep seeing posts like, "Check out! Which profession suits you" or "Click to know how many kids you will have" or "Let's tell you what age is best for you to get married" all over the place.

It's not that I'm surprised at the different "creativities". . . what amuses me is the fact that people click on the apps to have a peep into their future (or am I mistaken?). Sometimes, I think to myself, "Maybe they see it as a game". But you know what? I see it as a subtle form of sorcery which God hates. (You must be thinking that I'm too serious/uptight right now). Life is not a joke my friend. They know you won't go to an herbalist or a palm reader if you are invited so they decide to make e-fortune tellers for you which you have no problem visiting (jokingly you say).

I'll use this opportunity to speak to those who don't have a problem with writing the name of suitors (for marriage) and taking them to those who will tell them who the suitable one of them is. Whether you are a virtual or real life fortune teller seeker, you should watch it. You can develop a relationship with God who knows all things and can lead you on the right path. Look to God alone for direction. Cast your cares/worries upon Him for He cares for you.

There are scriptures that indicate that God is against fortune telling but I'll share only two. See for yourself:

For example, never sacrifice your son or daughter as a burnt offering. And do not let your people practice fortune-telling, or use sorcery, or interpret omens, or engage in witchcraft, or cast spells, or function as mediums or psychics, or call forth the spirits of the dead. Anyone who does these things is detestable to the LORD. It is because the other nations have done these detestable things that the LORD your God will drive them out ahead of you.
But you must be blameless before the LORD your God.
The nations you are about to displace consult sorcerers and fortune-tellers, but the LORD your God forbids you to do such things.” (Deuteronomy 18:10-14).

&

Someone may say to you, “Let’s ask the mediums and those who consult the spirits of the dead. With their whisperings and mutterings, they will tell us what to do.” But shouldn’t people ask God for guidance? Should the living seek guidance from the dead? Look to God’s instructions and teachings! People who contradict his word are completely in the dark. (Isaiah 8: 19-20)

I don't know if you understand what I'm saying to you today but I've said to you what was impressed on my heart. . . May God increase your understanding and mine in Jesus' name!

I'll close this with 1Peter 5:8 (AMP): Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.

Beware of the cunning and crafty one. . .

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
 ©2015

A Message For Men

I have read/heard about women who have almost bent themselves over backwards just to see their husbands accept the changes that have occurred to their bodies especially due to the rigours of pregnancy/ageing. I feel so sorry for women who are being tormented by the men in their lives who are supposed to love and cherish them. The men who are expected to accept these women reject them instead. All they seem to do is point out the stretch marks on her body. Some even give ultimatums to their wives, as to when they want the stretch marks to disappear. They make cutting remarks like, "Why are you looking like a 7 month pregnant woman?"

On our wedding day, our Pastor asked me to stand up while he exhorted us. He told me to turn round before my husband a number of times. Then he said to my husband, "Shola, look at this woman very well. She won't be like this in a couple of years." Truth be told, I am not exactly the same physically as I was 6 years back. Few months after we had our first child, I tried my wedding gown on and it fitted me well.  Right now, I dare not try pulling that stunt.  What am I saying? The change will definitely come. I'm here to usher you into the real world. It may be mild for some and severe for others but it will certainly come (please, register this in your mind). And be ready to accept it lovingly.

Well, people work out these days and it seems to work for getting bodies back in shape after pregnancy. And there are so many photoshopped pictures of women all over the place too. I tell you, some of those figures are film-tricks. No matter how hard you try though, the body changes get to a point where they cannot be reversed. The devil don give plenty people job. They buy creams upon creams to remove stretch marks. Some over exercise themselves all in the name of trimming themselves, setting their hearts up for a breakdown . Others use fat-burning drugs (which most likely have negative effects on the body). And others go for surgical procedures to pull up the sagging skins or pull some fat out of their bodies.

As much as I'm a solicitor of not being sloppy as a woman, I am against breaking yourself because you want to meet up with man's standards.

Dear man, don't push your woman over the edge. Stop putting unnecessary pressure on her. Help build her self-confidence, don't trample on it. You can encourage her by being involved in the exercises she's undertaking and make sure you tell her you love her as she is (and be sure you truly do).

A common reason given by men who cheat on their wives is that the women are no longer as "hot" as they used to be. They forget that ageing is something you can't really do anything about despite all the anti-ageing creams et al. The physiological changes that occur in a woman's body are inevitable. A woman's body faces a lot of stress as it is. Adding psychological stress to her stress-load is being unfair to her. Let's face life as it is.

Help her with the truck-load of work she has to do. Don't leave her alone to be the general cleaner, cook, nanny, and everything else while you do nothing around the house but issue decree over decree from your throne in the living room set in front of the super sports channel.

. . .And please, live at peace with her. Love her as instructed by God. It will reflect on her looks too.

If you're not yet married, don't marry that lady because of her 'hot' body. Marry her because you love the person in that body. For the married, decide to age gracefully alongside your wife. Look beyond her body. Reach unto her soul and spirit.

Hope I have been able to convince and not confuse you that love goes beyond just looks.

I rest my case!

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola

Just Wondering

Wait, when did you become a stammerer? He is there touching you in an unholy manner and you stand there saying, "Bro Peter, S-T-O-P it now"- sounding like a broken record. Really? I don't get it. First of all, remove that 'bro' from his name. Then use "sharpymycin". Call yourself to order, and flee. This is no time to be sluggish. You need to guard your dignity jealously. I bet it with you, you will regret that you were slow after everything goes down. I was watching a movie recently. In one of the scenes, a married man who had extra-marital affairs with a young lady who was now trying to cut off from the man (after the man's marriage got broken), if he had put a gun to her head to make her sleep with him. Of course, her answer was "No". He called her several names like 'home wrecker" and "whore". The deed was done. No honour was accorded her. She threw her pride away for a few dollars.

I am writing to you dear child of God. Make your stand known to that fellowship unit-head who is trying to take advantage of you. Say "NO" to that boss of yours who is flirting with you and bent on making you break your marriage vows. Severe the communication lines between you and that colleague who is making you commit adultery in your heart. Cut the strings from that so-called fiance of yours who doesn't want to take you to the altar before taking you to bed. You cannot eat your cake and have it. The number of young people who have lost their virginity is alarmingly high. The world is sick and only God can help us live through it as Christians. When it comes to fleeing from sexual sins, Joseph is worthy role-model to imitate. Learn of him.

Don't trade your destiny for a morsel of bread. Don't yield to temptation all because of an appointment/promotion letter. Don't build your marriage on a cursed foundation by committing sexual sins with your fiance. Don't allow the devil rob you of your dignity. Nothing is worth loosing the good name God has given you for.

Choose a good reputation over great riches;
being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold. (Proverbs 22:1)

A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume. (Ecclesiastes 7:1a)

Per adventure you've lost your dignity (partially or fully), God is saying, "Come!" Repent of your ungodly ways. Turn away from that route. Don't follow the ways of the world. Decide to keep yourself pure, holy unto The LORD. For your shame, God will give you double honour (if you truly repent).

In conclusion,

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect (Romans 12: 1-2).

God bless you as you decide to abide by the laws of God in Jesus' name!

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola

Temptation Is A Team Sport

Do you think about you and your spouse as being on the same team when it comes to sexual temptation? Very rarely does a husband or wife even discuss how they are tempted sexually unless one of them catches the other in the act: sending flirtatious texts to a coworker, watching something sexually explicit, reconnecting with an old flame on Facebook, or lying about why you were late coming home from the office.


Regardless of which of you is tempted, when you are a team, you'll begin to see it as your problem together as a couple.
Because of the shame and feelings of rejection associated with sexual temptations, most people keep it a secret from their spouse. That compounds the problem and causes an even greater divide. I don't mean that a wife should take responsibility for her husband's purity or vice versa. However, when sexual sin and temptation hits one of you, it affects both of you. Satan will use pornography, inappropriate emotional attachments, and other forms of temptation to further divide you if he can define your spouse as "the problem" or "the enemy." As long as you're fighting each other, you cannot stand together.

So how do you become a team? Here are a few strategies:

First, you have to learn to communicate to each other without judgment. Over the years, my husband and I have learned to ask each other questions like, "How are you doing? Are you struggling with (specific temptations we have shared in the past)? Is there anything I can do to help you focus on us?" Initially, this can be a difficult conversation but it's critical to becoming a team. We don't ask these questions because we are paranoid, but because we know the reality of marriage.

Second, you play defense together. Where is your marriage vulnerable? What needs do you have that are not being met, leaving you open to temptation? How can you put up "walls" or "hedges" to protect against temptation?

Third, play offense together. Don't just wait for temptation to attack your marriage. Work on your sexual and romantic relationship so that you do not leave room for the enemy to attack. Christian marriages are far more vulnerable to sexual temptation when there is no romantic adventure or sexual excitement.
How are you doing “fighting as a team?” Talk together about how you can support each other in the temptations you face.

Rice and Carrot

When carrots are available in abundance, have a field day with them!

¤ Pasta and Beefy Sauce ¤

Ingredients

-Pasta (300g)

-Firm tomatoes (2large)

-Bell peppers (2 large)

-Scotch bonnet (1 small)

-Onions (1 large)

-Vegetable oil

-Chopped Vegetable (ugwu and carrots) (1cup)

-Margarine (1tbs)

-Corned beef (3/4cup)

-Salt

-Spices

-Seasoning cube (1)

Mary's Method

* Cook your pasta with water just enough to cover the pasta, 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil, about 1/8cup chopped onions and salt to taste, till soft.

* While pasta is cooking, dice your peppers and onions. Chop the vegetable too.

* Place a saucepan on low heat. Add 1/4 cup of vegetable oil and 1 tbs of margarine. Once the oil is hot, pour in the peppers and onions. Stir-fry for 4minutes. Pour in the corned beef. Allow to cook for 3minutes. Pour in the vegetables and the seasoning cube. Allow to simmer for 5minutes.

* Serve hot with sliced boiled egg.

Enjoy!

#MARY's Kitchen