Celebrate Your Love

It so happens that my husband's birthday and our wedding anniversary are exactly 7days apart so i normally put up posts to celebrate both on Facebook. Last year, someone on my friend list made a comment on the birthday post I had put up to celebrate my husband. This person said I should not proclaim my husband. And his reason is that he felt I should be scared of husband snatchers. All I could do at that time was smile endlessly.

Here really is the point. I am a minister and my marriage is a ministry. I am an encourager and my marriage should be too. I don't talk about my life to brag to anyone but to encourage people that they can have fulfilling relationships under God. I do what i do out of personal conviction. I have never said my life/spouse/marriage was perfect. I am simply an epitome of God's grace and I am ALWAYS humbled by that fact.

However, we hear too many negative stories about marriage in our wold today. We need to counter the effect of all the negativity though by pitching the positive stories to the glory of God. The very reason I love posts where spouses celebrate their marriages of several years.

I remember someone reacting to that friend's comment and asking why I still thanked the person for such a comment. My response was that we see things differently one from another and my show of gratitude was not sarcastic. I meant it. It doesn't necessarily mean one is right and the other is wrong if we hold varying views about an issue. What's important is to have the right motives for whatever we do and how we do them.

Well, as usual I talked to God about that incidence and I got a clear. . .

"There is no fear in love" was what I heard in my spirit.

I love the book of Songs of Solomon like wetin happen. And it is a support system for this post.

The man and his woman in that book did so well celebrating their love. They told each other how wonderful they were to each other. . . And they told others too.

The love they shared obviously thrived so well. They watered their love with their words as they did with their actions.

I have heard some married women say that the last time they heard their husbands tell them that they loved them was on their wedding day. And God help those who got married in a country like Nigeria where you don't even have to say "I love you", to your spouse on your wedding day.

I feel so elated when my husband speaks highly about me while teaching in Church or while just speaking to people. Of course I know he loves me but we still make sure to affirm our love for each other at every given opportunity.

I sometimes laugh within myself when I see someone talking to the spouse over the phone end the call with "you too". I could almost guess that the person on the other side of the phone had said "I love you". You shouldn't get tired of saying "I love you" to your spouse. . . And be sure you mean it.

When last did you tell your wife or husband that you love them?

When last did you send an SMS or email to remind him/her how much you cherish him/her?

How about you pick up your phone and give your spouse a call. . .Tell him/her you are thinking of him and you love her.

Yes, he/she probably knows that you love him/her. It is however imperative that you tell your spouse constantly.

It's okay if you decide to celebrate your love only in the corners of your house.

 It's okay also if you decide to ask others to celebrate with you like the Shulamite in the book of Song of Solomon. 

However way you decide. . .

Choose wisely. . .

Just make sure you celebrate and strengthen the chords of your love. Celebrate your spouse! Celebrate the grace of God. Celebrate God's way.

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2016

Organise Annual General Meetings

Two men sat at the table next to mine in a restaurant and I just couldn't help but overhear their discussion because they wouldn't just tone their voices down. The part of their conversation that struck me was something like this:

Mr. A: How is your marriage my friend? You don't seem to be looking happy these days.
Mr. B: You just asked me a JAMB question o. The last 2 years seem like 20 years. I am even tired. My wife is nothing like she was in the first few months of our marriage. She is now always moody and complaining that I don't give her the attention she desires from me. We stopped praying together months back sef. Our sex life is a total mess. The few times we get intimate, she would just lay there. It seems she just allows me to have my way out of obligation. And I am the only one that initiates the intimacy. Thank God I am a Christian, who know what measures I might have taken?
Mr. A: Hmmm. .  . It is well o. But have you talked with her about all these issues you have raised?
Mr. B: We barely talk o. Except for the casual greetings.
Mr. A: My dear brother, you really need to have a meeting with your wife immediately before things go totally out of hands. Set out time to discuss with your wife and allow her pour out her mind without restrictions. You should do the same too. I will be praying along with you

I smiled to myself as I gulped the last portion of my drink and rose to leave the restaurant. Thank God for Mr. A whose advice was just what I would have said too (Else I might have been forced to join their discussion. Lol).

Now to my message for married folks today:

I recommend that couples organise Annual General Meetings  (AGM), or Quaterly General Meetings (QGM) or Monthly General Meetings  (MGM) as the case may be, for the stakeholders in your marriage.

This is important to help you keep in touch with each other. Like I always say, "I just don't want to wake up one day and find out that a truck (not only lizard) can now pass in between my husband and I."

These meetings need to be intentionally fixed and regular. Go to the meeting without bias and be ready to listen and speak with all sincerity. The complaints from all parties involved should be matters arising and dealt with accordingly. Resolve to make sure that you attend to every matter without any iota of selfishness.

This is not a call to battle. It is a call to seek peace.

Let God be the chairman of those meetings. Yield yourselves to His directions for your situation through His words and trust Him to help you maintain decorum in your marriage.

When is your next general meeting going to be?

It takes two to tango

Sometimes, scientific principles work well in real life. In mathematics, when you multiply a positive number with a negative number, the result is a negative value. This principle is applicable to marriage.

I have seen under many circumstances, only one partner in a marriage willing to make the marriage work. The other person goes around with a negative vibe. This negatively charged person has a nonchalant attitude towards the marriage. He/she just crosses his/her legs without any iota of willingness to see the marriage succeed. They even sometimes threaten their partners with quitting the marriage.

When two people embark on an assignment to move something, they cannot experience progress with one person pushing while the other is pulling. The two people involved in a marriage must be positively charged for their marriage to succeed.

Many people, especially women lament about the imbalance in advice given to married couples by counsellors. Even the entertainment world holds the same stance. They tell the woman that the marriage belongs to her. They make it look like only one person is responsible for the success of a marriage. They tell the woman so many things she should do and refuse to tell the man what he should be doing.

I have never been able to get my head around this absurd indoctrination. And as a matter of fact, I believe this has gone a long way in destroying many marriages that may have survived.

It is very important to get it into our heads, males and females alike, that both genders must be ready to work at having a successful marriage. All hands must be on deck.

It is time for you to stop the blame - game.  Own up to your faults and take responsibility for your role in the insanity of your marriage up until now.

Both the husband and wife should pray for their marriage.
Both the husband and wife should submit to God and to one another.
Both the husband and wife should love each other. . .

Else, you get yourself a malnourished marriage. If you refuse to invest in your marriage you shouldn't expect good fruits of happiness in your marriage either. It's a simple principle.

So, instead of standing aloof and complaining about what your spouse is not doing right, join forces together to build a good marriage with the help of God.

. . .and the two of you shall chase ten thousand as against one thousand that only one of you will.

A marriage will never work if only one person is trying to push the marriage to safety.

Just like in a tango, where both partners must concentrate on the dance and watch out for the other party lest they suffer any form of injury, it indeed takes two to make a marriage work.

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2016

THERE ARE STILL HAPPY MARRIAGES. YOU CAN HAVE ONE

I have had the privilege to relate with many people who have resolved not to get married. They, out of fear of the outcome of their choice believe it is better to remain single.

I tell them, "I have been there before". I had vouched NEVER to get married if the picture of marriage I could see in most places around me was what marriage was really about. I was scared to death of marriage.

However, being relatively an emotional person, I definitely had to pour my love somewhere. I found the perfect avenue. I focused all my energy on pouring my love on God. And it was refreshing.  I loved doing just that (and i still do). I just loved being in God’s presence and working for Him. And I wanted Him to be the only one to share that level of intimacy with.

Lo and behold, while having a chat with The Lord one day, I heard clearly, "I need you to get married". I began to protest against that voice. I gave reason upon reason why I thought it was best I stayed single. And the reply was simple. "Your motivation is fear. There is no fear in me. Don’t worry, I will not let you make a mistake. I have prepared one of my sons for you"

My hand dropped. I began to let loose a little. I began to pray for my married life afterwards. Trust me though, the Omolola that I am, I was still afraid of the choice I believed God had approved up until a week before the wedding when I prayed some violent prayers and was ready to call off the wedding if that was not the right path. I was blessed with peace.

Is my marriage perfect? No. Why? We are two imperfect people married to each other. But we enjoy the grace of God. We are happy and fulfilling purpose.

You can have a happy marriage too my friends. Yes, there are so many unhappy marriages and the divorce rate is on the increase but there are still happy marriages. I know several happy marriages- Those that are happy for real. Not the type that are just faking their happiness and are just enduring their marriage.

Desire a happy marriage. Pray for it. God will give you one. Let God lead you along the best pathway for your life (Psalm 32:8).

God gives good gifts to His children. Just be ready to follow His instructions 100%.

Clear out from your mind the negative notions you have about marriage. Look foward to having a marriage that you will enjoy and not endure. And be ready to work at having a marriage that honours God.

The fact that your parents had a wobbly marriage doesn't mean that you would too. History does not have to repeat itself with you like it has with your siblings. You don't have to marry a wife abuser like your neighbour did.

Do it right. Walking this road with God is the right way that will lead you to the right destination.

I pray for the ear that hears the Lord clearly for you in Jesus' name.

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2016

SUFFERING IN PRIVATE BUT SMILING IN PUBLIC?

I see one of the Pastors' wife quietly slip into the Church vestry as we were about to end the intercessory prayers that bright Sunday morning. The first thing that struck me that morning was the fact that she was unusually late to Church that morning.

It was still quite early and we could barely see each other's faces. But when I did see her face, I was totally in shock.

I had noticed one time before that particular day that this soft- spoken beautiful woman had come to church with a bruised lip but seriously I just thought it was a boil or something.

But this time for real, I just felt it in my spirit that something was not right with her. I approached her after service that day and she agreed to meet with me the next day.

She explained to me all the horror she'd been enduring in her marriage of ten years. Years of battering and all sorts of emotional violence.

Many youths had mentioned how they desire their marriage would be like that of Pastor and Mrs X, in my presence

Who could have thought that our ever smiling Pastor X would be capable of hitting his wife?

Who could have thought that this tongue talking and expository teacher of the Word was not upholding the truths of the word he taught and preached day in day out?

Who could have thought that this couple who would always wear matching clothes to every social function and Church service were in actual fact nothing from being in unity?

I couldn't have thought.

Even the sister in question couldn't have imagined herself in such a loveless marriage with an hypocritical man.

It is sad that we have to talk about this even in the household of faith. We are however faced with the reality of it.

Well, hear this. God hates all forms of violence.

Before someone will take me up, saying that I didn't wait to hear the husband's side of the story. . .

No human or woman deserves to be assaulted. . . Yes. No matter what the woman has done and how unsubmissive she is. Yes, you have no excuse to go down that route even if that was your parent's way of showing his anger.

Your wife is not your child or slave so why are you treating her like one?

The alarming increase in the number of people suffering from domestic violence is disheartening. I cannot even begin to mention the number of marriages suffering from this menace, that I know personally.

Jesus' recommendation for conflict resolution spells out the steps you need to take:

 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.  But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.  If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17 NLT)

"Speak out" is what I would tell you if you are a victim of domestic violence if trying to reason together personally has not yielded any fruits.

"Fear God" is what I would tell every perpetrator of this evil called domestic violence.

You need the Holy Spirit so you can bear the fruit of self - control

And if you're single, would you please stop coveting another person's marriage and pray for God's ideal marriage for you?

May The Holy Spirit invade every home and fill every heart with the fear of God!

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2016

THE BEST TIME TO PREPARE FOR TOMORROW IS TODAY

Where are the men in the house? You really need to read this. . .

At creation, God's plan was for a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. And i have not seen where he changed that norm. What that means in essence is that he is now one and the same with his wife.

How come some men refuse to do the needful and leave their fathers and mothers? (And everyone who played the role of father and mother in their lives). I hear about so many cases of men who prioritise their extended families (that’s what your parents, siblings, uncles and aunts become when you get married) over their immediate families.

I am not saying that you should neglect your parents and siblings but you need to get the order of your priorities right. Love them like you love yourself. You cannot give what you do not have. Your spouse is you. If you do not love your wife it means you do not love yourself. In my opinion, it is hypocrisy to say you love others when you do not love yourself. You must never shove your spouse behind your 'family'. I believe that is a wrong move.

If you are yet to put things right please do it now.

I'd like you to answer these questions honestly. . .

Who is your next of kin?

Have you amended who your next of kin is at the approprate quarters after you got married? How come your brother is still your next of kin when you have a wife and children?

What about the official documents of your assets (landed properties and all)? Whose names are on them?

And why are you just buying a property with only your name on the document?

Do you have a will? If you do, how have you protected the interest of the wife of your youth and your children?

I know these are very sensitive issues. I am not a pessimist. But life happens. Some people just have to exit this world early and there is nothing anyone can do about that. However, you can do something about what happens with your family after you exit this world.

I have seen cases of people (firsthand) who left their wife and children in abject poverty even though they themselves were rich just because of their ignorance and negligence.

Good people leave an inheritance to their grandchildren, but the sinner’s wealth passes to the godly. (Proverbs 13:22 NLT)

I do not believe this Scripture is saying that you should skip your children's generation and focus on your granchildren's. So don't tell me that you want your brother to keep and later pass your wealth on to your grandchildren. When next you are taking a decision, ask yourself what your decision says about you- a good person/wise person or otherwise.

God trusted Abraham to pass on the legacy of godly living first to his children and then generations after them. (I am tempted to digress to tell you that the greatest inheritance to leave your children is spiritual wealth and moral direction but I'll stay in line)

Even God has plans for His children. Jesus has gone to PREPARE a place for His disciples.

What plans are you making for the future?

Make plans for the future and commit those plans to the Lord; trusting His will to be done.

Your spouse and children should not be left to suffer.

I have seen and heard about too many horrifying cases to know how important this issue is.

I am not trying to 'teach' you how to run your affairs but to encourage you to give thought to the issues i have raised here.

This is a real life issue that we must take cognisance of and I was inspired to address it.

May the Lord help you to take the right steps NOW!

Shalom!

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2016

Technology and Relationships At Loggerheads

The advancement of technology has no doubt improved communication. However, inadequate understanding of the proper utilisation of this beautiful tool of communication can have adverse effects on relationships.

As much as technology has its positivity, we can definitely not down play it's negative effects on human relationships.

I have seen people tell blantant lies about their location over the phone. Many start extramarital affairs via social media. Couples keep their devices under lock and key either because they have hidden agendas or they do not trust each other enough. Physical talk time between couples is being threatened by technology use time.

The obsession with these devices is alarmingly on the rise. As if the devices themselves were not doing enough harm already, they came up with the external battery pack idea which of course is not bad in itself but may as well extend the technology use time at the expense of our important human relationships.

 Some husbands prefer to play games on their device, watch the same football replays over and over or simply chat away than spending quality time with their wives.

Some wives too would rather watch soap operas for several hours than give their full attention to their husbands.

A wife is trying to say something important to her husband and all she gets is a man with his face buried in his device. The wife feels rejected and out of her quest for survival in the seemingly cold relationship, she diverts her attention to one or more fruits of technology. Both the husband and wife are now put assunder by phones, tablets, televisions etc.

Eye contact with technological devices are in serious competition with physical Eye contact between couples.

We need to violently take back the sanity of our relationships by force.

And how will this be possible?

Take practical steps towards ensuring that your relationship is not a victim of the back lash of technology.

Set boundaries. Put rules in place to curb excessive devotion to technological devices. For instance, set constant sleeping time for your devices so that you can devote time to relating with your spouse (e.g. no device use after 9pm). Or declare phones to be prohibited at the dining table. Or that you must set your device aside and look into your spouse's eyes whenever he/she wants to speak with you.

Keep those devices out of sight and out of mind during important discussions, date nights with your spouse and even dinner.

. . .and be totally honest with your spouse. Rid yourself of secrets to protect your relationship.

Carry out constant evaluation of your technology : relationship time share. And be sure to put your devices under check.

Don't ignore your spouse's complaint about you neglecting him/her because of your devices.

Wisdom is profitable to direct. . .

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

Charge That Battery Man!

I can remember a number of times when the battery of my father's car would run down when i was a child and he would have to take it to the battery charger so he could replace the electrolyte and charge it up. He could have simply changed the battery instead of charging it if he had the means. However, he had to opt for something that could extend the service life of the battery. God dropped a lesson in my heart from this. . .

When the charge on the romance of your marriage runs low, what do you do?  (I am talking to both the male-man and female-man here today). Do you throw your spouse away like a used napkin or go get your battery charged?

Many people in our age just give up on love. They simply find a substitute to pour their love on (human, animal or activity). They think that their spouses do not deserve the effort so they choose to pour their love on someone else. I often times wonder what happens to the love spouses claim made them marry each other in the first place. . .

Just like my father's case, i think we must allow God tune our mentality into knowing that you are not allowed to change your spouse just for any reason like it was in the time of Moses, we will definitely work at having marriages that are in good conditions. You ignore something in a deteriorating state when you know you have an alternative.

When you decide to truly hang on to the vow you shared- for better or worse, you will have the zeal to invest in your marriage and see to it through the help of God that your marriage is well lubricated so that it can function like it is supposed to.

Here are some tips for keeping the battery of your marriage charged:

☆ Always remember that you are lovers.
I am beginning to think that many people forget why they chose to marry the person they did. They saw something in them that made them decide to share their love with them. You should be committed to loving your spouse. You are lovers. Do what lovers do. Romance each other. Communicate with each other your love. Talk about your love. Enjoy physical and emotional affection. Touch each other. Kiss. Hold hands. Look into each other's eyes. Bask in the love you share. Be thrilled by your spouse. Touch 'base' as often as possible too. Enjoy each other.

☆ Break the routine chain.
I don't know about you but I get tired of doing the same thing over and over for a long time. There is the need to revamp your love life. Do something different in your relationship with your spouse. Variety is indeed the spice of life. You don't have to change the person; just change your methods from time to time as suits your relationship. Be dynamic.

☆ Be spontaneous.
 Don't be too predictable. It does not have to be his birthday before you buy him a gift. Neither does it have to be your anniversary before you get her that thing she has longed for all this while. You can drop a love note in the strangest of places, where he can find it. You can clear the dishes before she wakes up one morning. Just a bar of chocolate on your way back from work can communicate you thinking about your spouse to her. Give your spouse a kiss when he/she is not expecting one. Organize a surprise date night. . .
Think up the ideas friends. Get inspired. Just surprise your spouse.

☆ Reminisce together.
Talk about your young love. Talk about your milestones. Talk about the fun times you had while courting or early on in your marriage. Talk about how you met and the tough time she gave you before agreeing to a relationship with you. Talk about what thrilled you about your spouse. . .
 Remind yourselves of the 'good old days while you long for a better present and the best the future will bring with it for you.

☆ Take some time out for the recharge.
Deliberately make out time for your love life. Set out time to talk about your desires for your marriage, your displeasure and solutions to your issues. You can organise a romantic weekend getaway- you and your spouse alone. Or you just turn your room to a theatre after the kids have gone to sleep. . .
Make a way around your tight schedules and slim bank accounts.

☆Pray together.
Yes, pray together and individually about your love life. God is love. He is the best love tutor you could ever have. Ask Him to teach you to love. Ask The Holy Spirit to teach you what to do per time. . .

There is no need to discard that battery; just charge it up!

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

Dig Out the Debris From Your Well

In marital relationships, we find that couples could begin to get tired of each other, they may not be so attracted to each other as time passes in their marriage, or they begin to loose the enthusiasm they had for their relationship if care is not taken.

I don't know if that is the case with your marriage right now. Maybe you are not as excited about your marriage like you were before you got married or when you were newly married. I however, have come to you with a message of hope today. There is hope for your marriage. This message also applies to those whose marriages are still vibrant but wouldn't want to find themselves in a dying marriage. Your marriage does not need to loose it's zest. It is possible for your marriage to get better with age instead of going stale.

The focal Scripture for this post is not talking about marriage but it is what was laid on my heart when the title was given me:


He reopened the wells his father had dug, which the Philistines had filled in after Abraham’s death. Isaac also restored the names Abraham had given them. (Genesis 26:18 NLT)

This chapter is about Isaac. The enemy had filled the wells that Abraham his father had dug with dirt. Just like the righteous leaves an inheritance for his offspring, we could liken the wells to gifts that Abraham had left for his son.

Marriage is God's gift and His idea. When God gives this gift to us, the enemy is not happy with that so he tries everything possible to make you harbour the bad in your marriage instead of the good. An accumulation of the dirts that the enemy dumps in your hearts gradually seal up your chance of having a beautiful marriage like God intended for you. Like Jesus told His disciples, "While men slept the enemy came and sowed tares".

When we relax about working at our marriages, the enemy creeps in unawares and sows evil in our hearts and marriage. If we refuse to wake up, uproot the weeds from our vineyard and destroy them immediately, they gradually choke life out of our marriage until one day we find out that the marriage is actually dead.

It really does not matter for how long your well has been redundant and you have last been able to draw out fresh water from it. All that matters is for you to be willing to cooperate with God to make your marriage what He wants it to be. Your love can be revived. Your marriage can recover it's vigor. You can enjoy a romantic relationship with your spouse all over again.

It is time to begin to dig out every refuse that has been dumped in your marriage in the form of unforgiveness, insensitivity, selfishness, pride, unresolved issues, laziness, refusal to invest in your marriage,. . .

There must be water in your well.  Not just any kind of water but clean refreshing water. You must not give up until your well of love yields fresh water. You cannot be satisfied with less than the best. It is the same person that you are married to but you can constantly have the newly improved version of yourself and your spouse. Your marriage needs a new name. You need to have a wonderful testimony about your marriage- A sincerely wonderful testimony. The beautiful names you had attached for your spouse needs to be restored too. Seek sincere  change and pursue it. Instead of calling her Iya Sade, how about you go back to calling her sweetie like you did when your love was sizzling hot.

No water should be forceful enough to quench the fire of your love. Don't allow it.


Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. (Proverbs 5:15)

Go on and begin to enjoy your spouse. Invite God into your marriage afresh. Ask Him to be the head of your home. You will notice that it was after Abraham had died that the wells got filled with dirt. Leaving God out of your marriage is the gravest error you could commit. Go back to where you left God.

Your destination is a wealthy place. God wants you to enjoy your marriage and not to endure it.

It can happen for you if you will be willing and obedient.

It will happen for you in Jesus' name!

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
©2015

Believe the Best Before You Assume the Worst

One factor that destroys relationships is making assumptions. For instance, a wife calls her husband who didn't answer his phone. She assumes that he must have been with another woman hence his refusal to answer her call. A husband too may start problems where they are nonexistent because he chooses to mind read his wife. He thinks and probably voices her 'unspoken thoughts'. Now the probability is that there is actually nothing to worry about (as much as there could be something to worry about).

Someone will say that there is no smoke without a fire. Well, for your information, sometimes there is actually no fire at all. That thing you are calling smoke is actually fog. It is an environmental issue and it's blurring your vision- and you have refused to see past it.

We must remember that our Heavenly Father believes the best about us. He loves us that much. Even when we didn't deserve that love, He loves us still. He believes some good could still come out our rottenness. He could have just let us perish but He didn't.

If our relationships must thrive, we must learn to believe the best about our partners. That is what love does. Give him/her the benefit of the doubt. Being overly suspicious of one's partner can spell doom for the relationship. That may stem from your own insecurities and mere paranoia.

Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. (1 Corinthians 13:7 AMP)

It is however possible that God is helping you see the hidden things about your partner. This is to say that I am not saying you should go blind to the bad characters being exhibited by your partner. What you need is the help of The Holy Spirit to discern when there is truly a smell of trouble and when there is none.

Overall, choose to believe the best about your friends or spouse. Don't allow the devil sow the seed of discord in your relationship through your negative thoughts. Don't create fires of war where there was none before. The experiences people share, movies we watch etc carry with them truck loads of negativities that if care is not taken, precious relationships will keep being destroyed. Seive the information that comes your way. Test every spirit, action, motive,  . . .and choose that which is the truth.

Preserve your relationships. Believe the best before you assume the worst.

Guard your heart with all diligence.

May the love of God be shed abroad in your hearts and mine!

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

Your Spouse Deserves Your Best Not Your Leftover

The common thing nowadays is that many people give their best to their jobs, friends, . . . while their spouses get the crumbs that fall from the table. Let's face the fact. When you leave home by 5.30 am and don't return until 10 or 11 pm totally exhausted, what's left to give to your loved one? The odds are that your spouse is rehearsing his/her sleeping moves by the time you get home and that you are so tired that all you have strength left for is to sleep. You do this Mondays to Fridays and sometimes during weekends.

Before you shutdown and say that Omolola does not understand. . . I do understand very well that we need to make money to meet the needs of the family. You would say that all you are doing is solely for the family and that If you don't invest your energy into the job you may loose it you say and your family will no longer be able to enjoy the luxury they are enjoying now.  It is a good thing to be diligent and i applaude you for seeking to give your family a life of convenience. However, Life is more than working like a jackal in order to meet your material needs.

You see, I keep thinking about the reason for the recent increase in the number of couples with marriage problems. I perceive that one major reason is the dynamic nature of our work. The husband is completely engrossed in his work and the wife buries herself in her business. Husbands and wives get caught up in their busy schedules that they forget to nurture the most important human relationship they now have.

Of course, your most productive hours are during the day. And you spend them at work. Because your body is still agile during work hours, you talk politely to your colleagues at work. By the time you get home and your spouse asks you a question or two, you begin to answer through your nose because you are now totally exhausted. You manage to eat dinner and your eyes begin to revolt against staying awake. Your spouse is talking to you in your living room right here in Nigeria but you are far away in Jamaica.

The communication lines get broken down gradually. And you know that saying about little drops accumulating into a mighty ocean? In no time you two become strangers. Your colleagues at work almost know you better than your spouse does. You no longer enjoy the companionship which is one major thing God set marriage up for. Your sex life also goes dormant. The walls of your marriage are being broken down bit by bit. The husband feels that he has found a friend in a female colleague at work and the wife also thinks that her boss understands her better than her husband does.

Do you smell trouble? I do. But it did not start in one day. The trouble had been trickling down in little doses and now it has accumulated into a clog in the pipe of your marriage. If care is not taken my dear married people, that pipe is going to get totally blocked.

Before you exonerate yourself dear woman, I'm coming for you too. . . You spend all your energy tending to your kids so much that by the time your husband gets home from work, you have nothing to offer him as a friend. He tried talking to you about what happened at work the other day and you slept off on him. Do you also remember the other night 4 months ago that he tried touching you and you asked him to wait till later in the week and he is still waiting. . .

Okay let's leave it at that for now.

The major problem really is the refusal to apply wisdom to our individual situations. It takes wisdom to build a marriage. A wise woman and a wise man build their own marriage.

Building is an intentional act. We must be deliberate with our efforts to make our marriages be what they should be.

Call your spouse during the day. Let him / her know that you are thinking about them. In the midst of your hectic business and the busyness of your day, deliberately do things that will communicate love to your spouse. Let every action of yours pass across the important message of your spouse being the most important human in your life. . . And make sure it's a continuous action.

I am going to give you one  formula that won't fail- Ask The Holy Spirit to inspire you. He can NEVER go wrong.

Be thoughtful. Decide to relocate your spouse to the top of your priority list today.

Give your spouse your best. That is the way it should be.

And I know that God will be proud of you.

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

To The Married Woman on Lovemaking. . .

One lie that is being thrown around by the world is that "good sex keeps a man faithful". It is not good sex that will keep your man faithful, it is only God that can do that. The same lie is used to trap single ladies. The world tells them that they need to 'secure' the man they want to marry with sex. This is a blantant lie of the devil.

However, sex in marriage is important for the overall health of the marriage. It's a lubricant that helps the marriage run smoothly.

Here are a few practical steps to having a healthy sex life in your marriage:

☆ The number one thing the married christian woman should do is to soak their marriage bed in the pool of prayers. The Bible encourages us to pray about "everything". I believe that includes the marriage bed. Talk to God about your sexual intimacy as a couple. Pray that both of you will be truly naked and not ashamed. Pray that God will teach you to love deeply. Pray against every force working contrary to you having an excellent experience sexually. Pray, pray, pray. . . Amen somebody!

☆ Next thing is to communicate with your partner. Both of you need to communicate what your needs are to each other. Be sincere. Be open. You will be shocked at some of the expectations of your spouse when you get talking. Like I usually say, "I am not a spirit. I wouldn't know what's on your mind unless you voice out". No guess work in this matter. You need to know the questions so that you can give the right answers.

☆ Be a participator not a spectator. Seek for ways to meet your partner's needs. Don't just lie there like a log of wood or just shake off the dust immediately after. Be active. Let your spouse know that you enjoy being with him. Don't be a bore. Train your mind to enjoy. Be willing to work at achieving sexual intimacy.

☆ Don't see lovemaking as "hard work". It is expected to be a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. Choose to enjoy it. You have to decide to. Stop giving unnecessary excuses. Someone is complaining that her husband does not seek to be intimate with her anymore. Can we really blame him? He made an advance at you two years ago, you were tired. Two months ago, you were still tired and having the same nagging headache you had 2 years ago. Excuse me sis, you killed the fire. You've got to put the sticks back together. Apologize to your husband and commit to rekindling the dead fire.

☆ Gather knowledge. Read relevant books on sex in marriage. Go for counselling if necessary. Above all, meditate on what God's stance is on the issue of sex in marriage.

Go on and begin to enjoy the adorable gift God has given you. . . It's time to stop enduring it.

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

Should Couples Worship in Separate Churches?

This post is in response to the above question asked by a woman who has been worshipping in a Church different from her husband's and whose children rotate which of the two Churches they should attend.

From my point of view, a family should worship together. As I see it, attending different churches is a form of division/disunity. That means they are unequally yoked. Since they believe in different doctrines. The couple are not able to agree on a particular church. "Can two walk together except they agree?" No! The children are also at risk of being confused.

On a personal note, the first question I would ask anyone in this kind of situation is, "Was your husband attending that church before you married him?" If yes, then she knew before hand what she was getting into. Why did you marry him then? My next question is, "Those doctrines you disagree with in his church, are they sinful?" If "No", I will advice that she joins him in his church and continue to pray concerning the issue. God owns the heart of kings and is the one that can direct it to wherever He wants. Continue to pray that his eyes of understanding be opened. Rebellion or force will not change him.

*I will quickly tell the singles to remember that you MUSTN'T go into marriage with the mindset that you will change your husband. That's a dead end. So, look well before you leap. The man is your head. Take it or leave it. That's the divine order. So before you give yourself to be married, remember that you are relinquishing the authority over yourself to him. These are some of the issues that should be discussed before marriage. "

Back to the issue at hand, let's look at 1Peter 3:1,2,6 (AMP)
IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, 2  When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him--to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
6. It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].

That part of the Scripture didn't add a condition for our submission as wives. I always like to emphasise that we should do our part as unto the Lord.

2Corinthians 10:6- And after you have become fully obedient, we will punish everyone who remains disobedient.

Unity of a couple's spirit men is very important and growing together in the same spiritual environment will enhance their blending.

~ OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

Three Levels of Marriage

Those involved in drilling for water know that you get more water much deeper down the ground. Research shows that the earth may have underground ocean three times that on the surface. The deeper the better. Water deeper down would be free from contamination by sewage and the likes.

I want to share with you what I would like to call the 3 'S' Levels of marriage.

*Sharing Level: This is the surface level kind of love. It is the 'give and take' kind of love. Each party is sort of, 'repaying' the other for their kindness by being kind in return. This level of marriage is the kind where the spouses work towards meeting each other mid-point. Once one of the two has refused to offer any good thing, the other person ceases from bringing any good to the table. At this level, it is a relationship of convenience at work. She is good, he is good in return. She is bad, he becomes bad too.

*Serving Level: This is a deeper level of marriage than the sharing level. The spouses seek to serve one another, and others around them too. They both wear the servant's garment on their spirits. Humility helps them submit to each other under God.

*Sacrifice Level: Now, this is the deepest level of commitment. It takes grace to exhibit the kind of love that characterises this level of marriage. At this point, his life is now truly her life and vice versa. Both the husband and wife are ready to make any sacrifice necessary to make their marriage what God wants it to look like and to see to it that their individual life's purposes are fulfilled. They share the kind of love Jesus shows us- selfless, true and pure.

Sharing, Serving or Sacrificial. . . Where are you at? And where are you going.

-OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
 ©2015

It's a Real World, Be Realistic!

I remember a statement I once heard from my Pastor, "If a man is opening the door of their car for his wife, it's either of two things- the wife is new or the car is new". Hilarious! Isn't it? But really, how many ladies thought their husbands will open the door of the car for them each time they are entering or alighting from a car? Many, right? And how many get it that way? I believe they must be very few especially in this part of the world. Me, I have only seen one man do that in real life sha o (aside cases where the wives are on their way to the delivery room). . . And it was because the car was old instead (the door could only be opened from the outside) lol.

There are several unrealistic rules and expectation we build up in our minds. We refuse to seive the ideas we get from what we read or see in movies. We forget that that's what it usually is- a movie, written for entertainment.

You know, I read recently about a man who sued his wife for being very ugly and covering up all the while with heavy make-up and only found out after the wedding ceremony how ugly she was. (I also see the before and after photos of some makeovers and all I can say is "Waoh! I hope the makeover is permanent?"). This is what marriage does. It exposes the real you and the real person you are married too.

Many of us wear masks over our real selves. We have a form of humility, gentleness and so on whereas in the real sense of it, we are tigers. Ugly on the inside. Devoid of virtue though we look like we have it.

You had better stop pretending to be who you are not right from this moment. Don't pretend to be okay with something you are not okay with. Don't keep quiet when you should talk. Sweeping issues under the carpet will only end up in a disastrous boomerang, trust me. Deal with issues wisely and promptly. Be yourself.
Your spouse will not always be super "charming" but you must choose to love all the same. Your spouse is not perfect and so are you. You are both humans.

One thing that kills the reality of our individual 'world' is comparison. You see another woman's husband helping with the laundry and in the kitchen and your husband does none of that. You assume your own husband is not good enough. You forget that he is a pro at mowing the grass.

You need to always remember that the two people involved in the marriage are uniquely different from each other and every other person in the world. So what do you expect? Marriages are also uniquely different from one to another.

Unrealistic expectations will only put your marriage on reverse gear. Attempting to change your spouse so as to fit your self-invented model will most likely lead to frustration. Stop trying to model your spouse/marriage after someone/someone's else.  Embrace the uniqueness of your spouse. Embrace the uniqueness of your own marriage.

There is a prayer point placed in a conspicuous place in my house, which I pray constantly: "Lord, I don't want this marriage to be what I think it should be, I want it to be everything You designed it to be!"

I think you should pray that prayer wholeheartedly too.

Welcome to the real world!

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola

A Message For Men

I have read/heard about women who have almost bent themselves over backwards just to see their husbands accept the changes that have occurred to their bodies especially due to the rigours of pregnancy/ageing. I feel so sorry for women who are being tormented by the men in their lives who are supposed to love and cherish them. The men who are expected to accept these women reject them instead. All they seem to do is point out the stretch marks on her body. Some even give ultimatums to their wives, as to when they want the stretch marks to disappear. They make cutting remarks like, "Why are you looking like a 7 month pregnant woman?"

On our wedding day, our Pastor asked me to stand up while he exhorted us. He told me to turn round before my husband a number of times. Then he said to my husband, "Shola, look at this woman very well. She won't be like this in a couple of years." Truth be told, I am not exactly the same physically as I was 6 years back. Few months after we had our first child, I tried my wedding gown on and it fitted me well.  Right now, I dare not try pulling that stunt.  What am I saying? The change will definitely come. I'm here to usher you into the real world. It may be mild for some and severe for others but it will certainly come (please, register this in your mind). And be ready to accept it lovingly.

Well, people work out these days and it seems to work for getting bodies back in shape after pregnancy. And there are so many photoshopped pictures of women all over the place too. I tell you, some of those figures are film-tricks. No matter how hard you try though, the body changes get to a point where they cannot be reversed. The devil don give plenty people job. They buy creams upon creams to remove stretch marks. Some over exercise themselves all in the name of trimming themselves, setting their hearts up for a breakdown . Others use fat-burning drugs (which most likely have negative effects on the body). And others go for surgical procedures to pull up the sagging skins or pull some fat out of their bodies.

As much as I'm a solicitor of not being sloppy as a woman, I am against breaking yourself because you want to meet up with man's standards.

Dear man, don't push your woman over the edge. Stop putting unnecessary pressure on her. Help build her self-confidence, don't trample on it. You can encourage her by being involved in the exercises she's undertaking and make sure you tell her you love her as she is (and be sure you truly do).

A common reason given by men who cheat on their wives is that the women are no longer as "hot" as they used to be. They forget that ageing is something you can't really do anything about despite all the anti-ageing creams et al. The physiological changes that occur in a woman's body are inevitable. A woman's body faces a lot of stress as it is. Adding psychological stress to her stress-load is being unfair to her. Let's face life as it is.

Help her with the truck-load of work she has to do. Don't leave her alone to be the general cleaner, cook, nanny, and everything else while you do nothing around the house but issue decree over decree from your throne in the living room set in front of the super sports channel.

. . .And please, live at peace with her. Love her as instructed by God. It will reflect on her looks too.

If you're not yet married, don't marry that lady because of her 'hot' body. Marry her because you love the person in that body. For the married, decide to age gracefully alongside your wife. Look beyond her body. Reach unto her soul and spirit.

Hope I have been able to convince and not confuse you that love goes beyond just looks.

I rest my case!

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola

Temptation Is A Team Sport

Do you think about you and your spouse as being on the same team when it comes to sexual temptation? Very rarely does a husband or wife even discuss how they are tempted sexually unless one of them catches the other in the act: sending flirtatious texts to a coworker, watching something sexually explicit, reconnecting with an old flame on Facebook, or lying about why you were late coming home from the office.


Regardless of which of you is tempted, when you are a team, you'll begin to see it as your problem together as a couple.
Because of the shame and feelings of rejection associated with sexual temptations, most people keep it a secret from their spouse. That compounds the problem and causes an even greater divide. I don't mean that a wife should take responsibility for her husband's purity or vice versa. However, when sexual sin and temptation hits one of you, it affects both of you. Satan will use pornography, inappropriate emotional attachments, and other forms of temptation to further divide you if he can define your spouse as "the problem" or "the enemy." As long as you're fighting each other, you cannot stand together.

So how do you become a team? Here are a few strategies:

First, you have to learn to communicate to each other without judgment. Over the years, my husband and I have learned to ask each other questions like, "How are you doing? Are you struggling with (specific temptations we have shared in the past)? Is there anything I can do to help you focus on us?" Initially, this can be a difficult conversation but it's critical to becoming a team. We don't ask these questions because we are paranoid, but because we know the reality of marriage.

Second, you play defense together. Where is your marriage vulnerable? What needs do you have that are not being met, leaving you open to temptation? How can you put up "walls" or "hedges" to protect against temptation?

Third, play offense together. Don't just wait for temptation to attack your marriage. Work on your sexual and romantic relationship so that you do not leave room for the enemy to attack. Christian marriages are far more vulnerable to sexual temptation when there is no romantic adventure or sexual excitement.
How are you doing “fighting as a team?” Talk together about how you can support each other in the temptations you face.

FLEE ADULTERY!

When you are faced with the temptation to lay with a person who is neither your wife nor husband, what do you do? You flee! You step on that throttle and take off on top speed. Don't look back. Just keep going. Take to your heels. Run as fast as you can. Save yourself first.

It's not your duty to try to deliver that person who is trying to lure you into adultery (or fornication) from the spirit that has possessed him/her. The person is already possessed by the devil and he won't give up that easily. Persuasion will not do it. You know, sometimes when I 'mistakenly' watch home movies,  I will be so pissed by some things they are doing. You will see a lady who is trying to seduce a man, display all her tricks. And the man will be saying 'dumbly', "Stooooop it". He will even go further to try to help her pull her blouse back into it's place. Then I will start wondering at the foolish act. Well, I console myself at the end of it all by telling myself, "It's a movie. They are simply acting out a script." Lol. But sincerely, that's what happens in real life.

One lesson I have learnt from The Bible is that I shouldn't discuss with the devil. The devil is cunning. Shun him immediately with The Word of God. He has his ways with words. He is experienced in confusing people. And he is relentless. He wants you to fall, he'll do anything possible to accomplish his mission. And that includes using the scriptures to his advantage. Eve discussed with him and fell. Instead The Bible says "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7).

Resistance is not done gently. You do it violently. You take your freedom by force. You pull yourself away at all cost. You fight for your salvation and integrity. Your aim is not to throw away your destiny. What more to fight for than this? If the picture of your God-given destiny is boldly before your eyes, you will snatch yourself off the devil who wants to devour you immediately. It's no time to be a 'gentleman'.


A perfect example is Joseph. O, how I love Joseph (You can read about him in Genesis 39). He fled for his life (verse 12). Not because man could have found out but because he had reverent fear for God. He was not ready to take chances. He even had to leave his clothe in the hand of the woman who was trying to steal his glorious future from him. He wasn't going to loose God's purpose just because of a few minutes of pleasure.

One thing of note here is that Potiphar's wife did not just grab Joseph one day. She had started trying to win him over with words. Sin doesn't just have it's 'big break' in one day. I guess that one thing that must have helped Joseph in the long run is the fact that he already labelled that woman "Danger" since she started making wrong moves towards him. He did not turn a blind eye towards her actions. He was at alert. He was ready even before she finally charged at him.

We must learn from Joseph. Ask God for the spirit of discernment. When that your secretary starts acting like she's your wife, being Miss Nice, dotting on you, put her in her place. When that guy on the block starts all his 'gentlemanly' moves, you had better be careful. I'm not saying that every gesture is laden with lust but you must be careful all the same. Even if it all started out as "harmless", it COULD turn out to be harmful. The Bible tells us to be VIGILANT. Don't let your guard down at anytime.

Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up (1Peter 5:8 MSG).

They will come after you. I mean those wolves. Run as fast as you can. Let the fear of God drive you as fast as possible away from that trap. Remember, the marriage bed must be kept undefiled. May God continually grant us grace to stand in righteousness in Jesus' name!

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
© 2015

One Is Good; Two Are Better

It is good to pray alone but two are definitely better. It's good to stand in the gap for your family, husband, children, . . .all by yourself. It's good to be a lone prayer champion but when two are involved, a greater reward is certain. Your spouse should be your prayer partner; even if you have other prayer partners. The power of two. God abides in a place where there's agreement. Ever wondered the scripture emphatically says that God is in the midst of two or three that gather in His name.

Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

Join forces with your husband. Your reward will somersault in in geometric progression. The Bible tells us that one shall chase a thousand while two will chase ten thousand. Can you beat that? Normally, we should have expected two to chase two thousand. That's the greater reward we're talking about. God multiplies your prayers. He magnifies your reward when you seek Him as a couple. When your husband found you, he received favour from the Lord. So what do you call the ripple effect of prayers by two people who agree together before their heavenly father? What do you call the multiplied reward they receive? I call it favour. Yes, favour takes over from labour when you pray together. You do less work and reap a greater harvest. You get much more than your expectation.


Praying together binds your spirits together. For me, when my husband and I pray together and worship God, I have this feeling of closeness to him. I feel a stronger attachment. Really, when we hold hands in prayers, it speaks the greatest volume of romance to me. I don't really know how to explain it.

Take time to pray TOGETHER constantly. It sure doesn't stop your personal prayers. Don't ignore the power of two. I encourage you to make a habit of it. Encourage each other to pray together.

May the Lord cause you to walk in agreement with your spouse in Jesus' name!

~Omosebi, Mary Omolola

The Implication Of Marriage

Marrying A Man is Surrendering To His Authority

As a single lady, this is one thing that I learnt and held onto tightly. Watch who you get married to. There is more to accepting a man's proposal for marriage than attraction.

Can you submit to that man's authority?
Is he equipped to cultivate your life?
Is he able to help you have a stronger walk with God after marriage?
What is his relationship with God like?
These are some questions you need to ask before you agree to marry a man.

Things normally run from the head unto the body. For instance, anointing runs from the altar to the pews. It is what the ministers are made up of that will flow to the members. And that is why people are encouraged not to allow just any minister lay hands on them in the name of prayers and impactation. So it is in marriage. The quality of the head determines the performance of the body. The head influences the body. The head is set in place once you are joined in marriage. Psalm 13:2 pictures this concept perfectly. Goodness of badness comes from the head to the body and not the other way round. The man transmits the either blessings or poison to the wife and then to the children. It's a continuous orderly process.

If the man you are getting married to is "not alright" (spiritually, behaviourally, psychologically, . . .), your marriage will most likely not be alright. If he does not reverence God nor respect elders/other human beings, you are definitely on your own. No respect for you be that. If he is a frivolous spender, that man will most likely drive the finances of your home down the valley. You are his helper not the director. You will have to submit to his authority as the Scripture instructs us to as wives.

Like it or not, the man is the head and nothing can change that. So, before you go and submit yourself to someone, be sure that that head is a good head.

~OMOSEBI Mary Omolola
2015